Akatsuki go to camp
by Rockcrab
Summary: Tobi's true self is revealed... kind of. Pretty serious... but not really all that serious.
1. Camp Fun

Disclaimer- I do not own Naruto.

Author's note- Random idea pops into my head! What else was I going to do? Tobi..

* * *

The Akatsuki were walking. Tobi told them he had found something important and he had to show them. So now they are walking to the place, Tobi wouldn't tell them where.

"Where are we going Tobi?" asked Pein. He wasn't exactly sure he believed Tobi was telling the truth, so he was in a hurry.

"Tobi can't say." says Tobi still walking in front. Deidara tugged on Pein's sleeve and they both walked back to the back of the croud.

"What?" whispered Pein to Deidara.

"Tobi is up to something." says Deidara quietly.

"How do you know?" whispers Pein back.

Deidara glanced at Tobi. "He has a bounce to his step, he's in a good mood, un." says Deidara.

"So?" says Pein, although he sounded a bit unsure of where Tobi was taking them now.

"So... think. He must be taking us somewhere unusual." says Deidara. They all pass by a sign. It says 'Camp Fun' but no one notices it. Itachi would, but he can't see it very well.

"Well, where could he take us? It's not like he knows much about the outside world." says Pein.

"Well... I'm not sure, but I think Tobi-" starts Deidara nervously when Tobi interrupts.

"Deidara-sempai!" says Tobi a bit loudly. "Come up here with Tobi!"

"I've got to go I guess... un." says Deidara shakily to Pein. Tobi looks back at Deidara, nobody else could tell except for Deidara that Tobi was mad at him. Deidara was the only one who knew Tobi wasn't just an idiot; he was a smart, evil, genius idiot... who enjoyed to annoy people and have fun, he only showed a dark side when they were alone, but Deidara had enough sense not to let the truth out. If Tobi was any way other than what he was, Tobi would be dead by now. Tobi was annoying.

"Ok Deidara." whispers Pein. He wondered why they were whispering, and why Deidara seemed so shakey when Tobi called him. Tobi was an idiot, a very idiotic idiot. Why would Deidara even listen to him at all? Pein rolled his eyes. Then he wondered if Deidara may be right.

"Deidara-sempai!" Tobi whines.

"I'm here Tobi, un." says Deidara.

"Finally. Come to the front with Tobi!" Tobi says happily.

"Ok Tobi, un," says Deidara. Tobi and Deidara move further ahead of everyone else.

"What were you saying to Leader-sama?" asks Tobi still walking forward, making sure not to show a sign that he was talking to Deidara. He reached out his hand and grabbed Deidara's. Deidara cringed. "I'm not going to hurt you or anything." Hand holding, just more cover for the genius idiot they call Tobi.

"I was talking about how it isn't often that the whole Akatsuki gets together." says Deidara. He thought how Tobi was actualy frightening him a bit. He had thought Tobi was just another person, who was an idiot. Replace Sasori no danna, not possible... but Tobi was a bit creepy at times. His cover... very good, it fooled everyone, even Leader-sama. He was actually very smart, and had that muderous look to his face, probably why he had the mask. You can't just forget that look. He seemed to like to watch people being tortured, and the Akatsuki, well, they are tortured by kindness and fun. That's why Deidara had a bad feeling about this.

Tobi thought for a minute. Then he said, "Liar."

Deidara froze in place.

"Move, or they will suspect something." says Tobi sounding a little irritated. Deidara began to move again, he fell back into his old pace, away from Tobi.

"He called my bluff, un." mutters Deidara to himself.

"What bluff?" asks Kisame who was standing next to Deidara.

"Oh..." says Deidara. Tobi glances back slightly. Deidara can see his expression through the mask, Kisame doesn't. "We were playing a game earlier. I was just thinking of how he called my bluff and I nearly lost, un."

"Oh," says Kisame. He decided Deidara was weird. Was Deidara like that before Tobi came? Maybe Tobi's idioticness rubbed off on him. Kisame was happy that Tobi wasn't assigned as _his _partner.

So the Akatsuki walked a bit more and they came to many cabins. Everyone looked around at them. They all (except Tobi, who smirked under his mask) had one thought in common and that was 'where are we?'

Two people, a woman and a man, walked up to them all. Tobi waved and the two people waved back. "Hi everyone!" said the man with an overly large smile on his face.

Pein looked around a bit nervously. "Tobi...?" he said, his voice straining a bit.

"Yes Leader-sama?" said Tobi

"Where in hell are we." Pein asked through clenched teeth.

"Tobi brought us here!" said Tobi happily. "This is Camp Fun, and we are all going to have a good time!"

Everyone looks at each other.

"That's right Mr..." says the woman.

"Tobi, just call Tobi Tobi." says Tobi.

"Ok Tobi." says the woman.

"Oh, and we have been informed that you ninja's are some of the strongest one, and that you will probably try to escape, so we have taken extreme measures." says the man. The woman pulls a lever and the place is surrounded by an immpossible to escape from security system.

"And if you kill us..." starts the woman.

"You will not be able to get out, so you will just die." finishes the man. Hidan opens his mouth. "Or..."

"You will be stuck here for eternity." says the woman. Hidan closes his mouth. Killing them was out.

"Tobi..." says Pein through clenched teeth.

"Tobi's a good boy!" yells Tobi. Deidara sank to his knees.

Deidara knew Tobi could take this place, but everyone else, including himself... they were all doomed. "Tobi... how long are we going to be here for, un?"

"At least half a year." says Tobi, skipping around now. When he passes near Deidara he whispers so that only Deidara can hear, "...and you _will_ enjoy every minute of it."

* * *

Author's note- There you have it. Let the torture begin...

Tobi- It would be nice if you read and review, but it is not necessary because this will continue anyways.

Rockcrab- Who says that?

Tobi- I do, and Deidara agrees. Right Deidara?

Deidara- un...?

Rockcrab- Yes, he definately agrees with you. (sarcasm)

Tobi- You will continue.

Pein- Tobi...?

Tobi-Tobi's a good boy!

Pein- Yeah...

Rockcrab- This is supposed to be over!

Tobi- Then end it!

Rockcrab- Ok Tobi... I'm ending i-

**Beeeeeeeeeep... Beeeeeeeep... Beeeeeeeep... please stand by...**

Tobi- Oops... Tobi pushed the wrong button. (Evil smirk)


	2. Cabin assignments

Disclaimer- I do not own Naruto.

Author's note- What next Tobi...?

* * *

"Ok everyone!" says the man happily.

"Time to show you your cabins and who you will be bunking with!" says the woman.

"Do you guys ever talk without each other?" asks Pein nearly falling over. Being a captive always gave him a headache. Why did he let Tobi in the Akatsuki?

"Not really...!" says the man.

"Now here are the people who are sharing a cabin!" says the woman. "Ok, Konan gets her own cabin because she's the only girl, you get cabin number one."

"Ok... Tobi and Deidara get cabin number two on Tobi's request." says the man with an overly large, somewhat creepy smile.

"Hidan and Itachi are going to share cabin number three." continues the woman.

"Kisame and Kakuzu get the next cabin, number four." says the man.

"Lastly Zetzu and Pein are in cabin number five." says the woman.

"If you eat me, Hidan can kill you." says Pein to Zetzu loud enough for everyone to hear.

"Come on Deidara-sempai, let's go see your and Tobi's cabin!" yells Tobi already half way to cabin number two.

"Ok Tobi, un..." says Deidara. He wondered why Tobi set it up this way... he understood why people would be separated, and everyone had seen the hand scanners on the cabins, no using one that wasn't yours... but why did Tobi put them together? Maybe so Tobi could speak normally while he was there or something.

That night everyone was uncomfortable, except Tobi and Konan. Tobi was the one who set everything up and Konan was by herself.

In Konan's cabin Konan was lying down, she was stuck here, and she didn't like it. At least she didn't have to bunk with one of the guys. The guys were all pretty creepy. Well... Pein is ok.

In Hidan and Itachi's cabin it was getting pretty loud. "I'm trying to do my fucking ritual!" yells Hidan.

"Well then do it." says Itachi with his eyes closed.

"I don't have anything to do it on!" yells Hidan.

"Then don't do one." says Itachi.

Hidan mutters something, but then the lights were off in their cabin and they were quiet. No one died. Hidan wished Zetzu would hurry up and eat Pein so he could sacrifice someone.

In Kisame and Kakuzu's cabin not much was happening.

"Turn off the lights." says Kisame.

"No, I'm adding figures." says Kakuzu.

"Of what?" asks Kisame irritated.

"Money." says Kakuzu.

"I'll give you twenty dollars to turn off the light." says Kisame turning to Kakuzu.

"Fine." says Kakuzu pocketing the twenty and turning off the light.

In Zetzu and Pein's cabin nothing was happening. Pein was trying to sleep and Zetzu was having an inner struggle.

_Eat him... _No, I'll be killed by Hidan, who is probably getting desperate about it. _But you're hungry... I'm hungry... _Too bad. _Just his arm or something... _No! I don't want to die. _Well I don't care! _We are not eating him. _Fine..._

In Tobi and Deidara's cabin Deidara was lying still on one bed and Tobi was staring at him from under the mask on the other bed. Deidara saw a glint from the hole in Tobi's mask. Deidara knew Tobi was watching him. Deidara shut his eyes tightly and turned around. He cringed. Why was Tobi watching him?

Eventual everyone fell into a troubled sleep except Tobi and Deidara. Tobi was still watching Deidara and Deidara was still uneasy with Tobi watching him.

"You don't like me all that much do you." Tobi says as more of a fact than as a question. Deidara turns and looks at him. "It's ok, I don't like you much either." Deidara stiffened. He didn't like where this was going at the moment.

"What does that mean, un?" asks Deidara.

"It means nothing. I'm just telling you." says Tobi.

"Why?" asks Deidara. "Why tell me, un?" Tobi didn't answer. "Tobi?" Deidara glances at Tobi and realizes he must be asleep. So Deidara rolled over and fell asleep. Tobi opened up his eyes. They looked murderous.

"Why tell you? Maybe to warn you, we're going to be here a while." whispers Tobi to Deidara, Deidara never heard a thing.

* * *

Author's note- I guess I got to this faster than I thought I would...

Tobi- You wonder why? Because I told you to.

Rockcrab- ...

Deidara- He did tell you, un.

Rockcrab- When?

Tobi- Five minutes before you started.

Rockcrab- Ok.


	3. Live long and Prosper

Disclaimer- I do not own Naruto.

Author's note- I'm going too fast on this, but I'm afraid I'll lose it if I'm not.

* * *

"GOOD MORNING CAMPERS!" yells the man through a mega phone.

"RISE AND SHINE!" yells the woman through a different megaphone.

So the Akatsuki wakes up and gets out of thier cabins before anyone kills each other. "What now?" says Kisame as he bumps his head on the shelf above his bed. "Ow..."

"Hello everybody!" says the man.

"It's time for breakfast!" says the woman.

"I don't want any fucking breakfast... I want leave this fucking place." says Hidan.

"Don't say any bad words Hidan!" says the man.

"They aren't nice!" says the woman.

"I don't fucking care!" yells Hidan

"Well, we'll have to fix that." says the man.

"Follow us and we will show you the path to niceness!" says the woman.

"I don't think-" starts Hidan when the man grabs his arm and drags him away.

"Come on Hidan!" says the man.

"It'll be fun!" finishes the woman. Hidan has to try really hard not to kill them. He wants to get out of this place eventually.

"Where the-" starts Hidan.

"Don't swear...' says the man.

"It's not nice!" says the woman. So the three go into the recreation cabin and Hidan starts yelling some... things.

Back at the breakfast table Tobi is smirking under his mask. This was funner than he thought it was going to be. Tobi took a bite of his pancake. Eww. It tasted really bad. He ate it anyways. "Tobi likes these Pancakes alot!"

"These pancakes taste like cardboard and are as hard as rocks, un..." says Deidara banging the pancake on the table. No one eats anything except for Tobi. Zetzu wasn't going to eat it anyways.

"No, I will not-" they hear Hidan yelling again. Deidara glances at Tobi. Was Tobi actually enjoying this? He hoped Hidan wasn't being tortured too badly, Deidara had a bad feeling he was going to go through it eventually.

After breakfast the man and woman came back. "Hi campers!" says the man and woman together.

"Hi!" says Tobi waving. Pein rolls his eyes.

"Where's Hidan?" asks Pein. He didn't want to lose another member.

"He's busy." says the man.

"He's doing something." says the woman. "By the way, my name is Kelly and his name is Ken."

"Hi Kelly and Ken!" says Tobi. "Tobi likes those names!"

"Now for arts and crafts!" says Ken.

"You can make anything you want!" says Kelly.

"Cool." says Konan making origami birds and stuff.

"Un..." says Deidara, making clay birds and exploding them. He guessed it wasn't all bad... but now he missed Sasori no danna. Sasori no danna didn't like it when he exploded his art. "Art is a bang, un..." He remembered what Sasori used to say. _'Art is eternal...'_

Everyone else except Itachi who simply colored a picture slowly without really paying attention to the picture, glared at Tobi who was making another mask like his own out of a paper plate. Tobi was sitting next to Deidara so Tobi whispered quietly to Deidara. "Do you know what they are doing to Hidan in there?"

"No..." says Deidara.

"Go look for yourself. I'll come with you." says Tobi.

"Un..." says Deidara, not really sure that he wants to know.

"Tobi and Deidara-sempai are going for a walk now!" yells Tobi. No one really cares. So Tobi takes Deidara's hand and Deidara gets up and follows Tobi. Once they are pretty far away they head towards the recreation cabin. "Look through the window with me, I'm not really sure what's happening either." says Tobi smiling. As long as Hidan wasn't having fun, he didn't really care.

So they look through the window and they see Hidan struggling against some type of rope like thing tying him to a chair. They saw some tape on the floor, no boubt Hidan had gotten it off his mouth. Kelly and Ken didn't like his yelling swears they guessed. There was a tv playing something really loud, but they couldn't see the screen like Hidan could, and they couldn't hear exactly what was being said.

"He's going to get out. Someone should fix that." says Tobi looking at Deidara.

"No way am I going in there, un." says Deidara.

"Fine, I will." says Tobi. So Tobi opens the door and Hidan looks over at him.

"Oh, it's you. What do you want asshole?" asks Hidan.

"Swearing isn't nice Hidan." says Tobi getting closer to Hidan.

"What of it?" says Hidan. Tobi stands behind him and for a second Deidara thought Tobi was going to try to kill him, then he remembered that Hidan can't die. Tobi re-ties his hands and puts the tape back over his mouth.

"Kelly and Ken said to and Tobi did because Tobi's a good boy!" Tobi lies, shrugging. Hidan glares a death glare at Tobi and starts trying to get the tape off again. Tobi walks back out.

"So what is he watching, un?" asks Deidara.

"He's watching the original Star Trek." says Tobi.

"How do you know, un?" asks Deidara.

"It had a guy with pointy ears talking to another guy on a ship in space." says Tobi. "I saw it." They start walking back. "Have you told anyone yet?"

"About..." says Deidara.

"Me, how I really am." says Tobi.

"No, un." says Deidara shaking his head.

"Is that a no or a yes?" asks Tobi quietly.

"No." says Deidara back quietly.

"Good, because if you had, the Akatsuki may not leave this place." says Tobi. Deidara couldn't tell if he meant he would keep them here or if he would just kill them all.

"What do you mean..."starts Deidara.

"I mean, Deidara, that if you tell anyone, You will all disappear from this planet, except for Hidan. Hidan just won't be seen for a very, very long time." says Tobi.

Deidara doesn't respond. Would Tobi really be able to kill everyone?

"Don't underestimate someone you don't know." says Tobi, then they sit back at the table. That was a long walk, they missed lunch. Good thing too, lunch was some kind of soup... no one could put a name to it.

"That was a nice walk Deidara-sempai!" says Tobi. Deidara is suprised at how Tobi is now acting and then realizes that everyone else can hear them now too.

"Un..." says Deidara still thinking about Tobi. Deidara was thinking that he better not tell anyone about Tobi. He looked over at Tobi who was playing with his spoon and fork annoying everyone. That foolish little kid... was he really capable of murdering the Akatsuki and semi-killing Hidan? Did he really have that inner killer? Deidara wished he could talk to someone about it.

Soon it was just after dinner and Kelly and Ken come out of the recreation cabin and started talking again.

"Well, everyone, it's just past dinner..." starts Ken.

"...so Hidan will be coming back!" finishes Kelly.

Hidan walks out of the cabin and leans on the door frame, eyes out of focus. He takes a step forward and almost falls over. Kakuzu walks over and steadies him.

"Are you ok Hidan?" asks Kakuzu. Hidan looks over to Ken.

"Live long and prosper..." says Hidan to Ken. Ken smiles. Kakuzu looks at Hidan horrified.

"What did you do to him...?" asks Kakuzu.

Hidan stands up and then adds to his last sentence, "Asshole." Kelly frowns.

"Looks like we still have some work to do." says Kelly.

"That's right Kelly." says Ken. "Go to bed campers." Everyone walks off to their cabins and so Kakuzu lets Hidan fall over. Itachi walks over, helps Hidan up and goes back to the cabin. He needs both of thier hands scanned to get in anyways.

That night Kisame and Kakuzu, Itachi and Hidan, Konan, and Pein and Zetzu just went to sleep without talking. They didn't really feel like talking after seeing Hidan like that. Hidan didn't want to talk about it. That leaves Tobi and Deidara still awake.

Deidara was scarred for life. Hidan didn't just break like that over something small. That was hours of something he couldn't take. Deidara looked over at Tobi.

Tobi was overjoyed at the result of the day. Tobi may have not had the best time, but seeing Hidan was worth it. 'Live long and prosper...' that was great! Tobi smiled to himself and let out a ittle chuckle. Diedara looked at him.

"How can you stand that, un?" asks Deidara.

"Stand what?" asks Tobi.

"What happened to Hidan." says Deidara. "He doesn't just nearly snap like that, un."

Tobi doesn't answer, instead he takes off his mask. "Do you know who I am?"

"No." says Deidara.

"Just as well." says Tobi.

"I've never seen you fight before..." says Deidara.

"Also just as well..." says Tobi.

"Un..." says Deidara falling asleep.

Tobi's eyes glint in the light of the moon through the window. "I'll tell you who I am."

Deidara had already fallen asleep.

"I am Madara Uchiha." says Tobi, then he falls asleep too.

* * *

Author's note-I actually like Star Trek so anyone taking affence by that, I'm sorry, because I personally think Spock is cool, Next Generation is made better though. If you don't agree with content in this then don't agree.

Tobi- They should agree.

Rockcrab- I know, that stuff was hard to find!

Tobi- You could have asked.

Rockcrab- I was afraid to ask.

Tobi- Good decision.

Rockcrab- -gulp-


End file.
